


love(?) letters

by h0lyheck



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Insecurity, M/M, anonymous notes, everyone loves kim seungmin and I am merely here to spread the word, lowkey terrifying!minho, slight angst, use of popcorn as a plot point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 09:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14766741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h0lyheck/pseuds/h0lyheck
Summary: Seungmin opens his locker on a sleepy Monday and watches with fascination as a small, folded note flutters to the floor.





	love(?) letters

**Author's Note:**

> and I'm back! nice to see y'all again :>
> 
> I was overwhelmed by the support I got on my first stray kids fic (y'all are vv chatty here haha I got tons of comments! and it made me feel amazing so thank you tons) so I decided to come back here for my next one! this one's a little heavier, a little more experimental, and I'd really really like any feedback you've got! please enjoy~
> 
> (unproofed because it's 2:30 AM, I'll be skimming for any mistakes over the next day or so)

As a general rule, Seungmin is a very happy person. Given his life, why wouldn’t he be?

He’s been raised in a friendly, developing neighborhood, one of the ones where all of the children are the same age. Friends have never been too far away; the closest, a boy named Seo Changbin who’s in the class above him, is directly across the street. His family fights more often than he’d like to admit, but, at the end of the day, they all love each other. He’s never had any reason to be anything but happy.

So, when he wakes up one Saturday at half-past noon feeling that his life is missing something, he doesn’t really have much of an explanation.

It’s not that he’s depressed. That much he can say with confidence. He just finds that, while his life is consistent, it’s not particularly interesting. He’s close with his friends, but he seems to be the only one in the group without a best friend, boyfriend, or both. That’s never bothered him before, and he can’t confidently say why it does now. Chances are, though, it’s because of Hwang Hyunjin.

Hyunjin is a ninth of Seungmin’s friend group and quite possibly the most attractive person on the planet (though Seungmin may be a little biased). He’s got a sharp tongue, but no one can deny that he’s a truly kind person. He’ll often spend the lunch period sitting with his teammates for whatever sport is currently in season, but always tries to make time for his primary friend group. Seungmin appreciates the effort, even if Hyunjin’s not so great at his little balancing act.

Hyunjin’s not perfect- far from it- but Seungmin adores him anyway. As much as he hates to admit it, how much he wants to be closer to Hyunjin is making him drift away from the rest of the world.

He does feel a bit pathetic, letting just one person mess with his life to such a degree. Deep down, he knows that it’s not Hyunjin _himself_ , but the lack of a significant relationship with anyone, but his strange projection onto Hyunjin does a number on his self-esteem. 

Then Hyunjin shoots him a smile, quick and fleeting but genuine, and everything’s fine again.

-

On a sunny spring day, during his second class, Lee Felix asks with his slight accent if Seungmin is feeling alright.

He nods, and he’s not lying, because he’s feeling fine. A little out of it, a little lonely beyond the lonely that is being physically alone, but fundamentally in good shape. Felix narrows his eyes ever so slightly and gives Seungmin a look. Seungmin holds his gaze, unwavering.

After a few moments, Felix gives up, letting out a deep sigh and giving Seungmin a few pats on the shoulder. “You know you can talk to me, right?” he questions, eyes searching and kind. And Seungmin does, Seungmin knows that he could talk to Felix about his worries and that Felix would listen attentively, but he also knows that Felix finds his solace in the form of Changbin’s earnest attention. Changbin does the same, and it’s been this way since Felix first joined their friend group two years prior. They really do complete each other (Seungmin’s not sure if there’s something more going on between the two, but he wouldn’t be surprised, and they have no obligation to tell), and Seungmin doesn’t feel comfortable with the idea of shoving his way into their small circle of support. If he’s got a smaller issue, he’ll talk without hesitation, but Felix simply isn’t his person for a heart-to-heart.

However, Seungmin’s answer to Felix is the initial thought without the following monologue, so he nods and reminds Felix of the same. He’s answered with a toothy grin, and thinks about how nice it is to have friends. Though Felix can’t give him the exact bond he craves, he more than appreciates the close relationship they have-

The bell wrenches him from his thoughts with a loud chime, and Seungmin realizes belatedly that he’s forgotten to pack up. He leaves the classroom two minutes later than his peers, finds Felix waiting for him right outside the door, and smiles all the way to third period.

-

His happiness is short-lived, as, during lunch, Seungmin falls back into his funk. He arrives at the table last, seven of his eight friends already engaged in conversation. Hyunjin is nowhere to be seen. He contributes a few sentences to each respective group, and his comments are well-received, but he finds himself spacing out once again. It’s an odd experience, feeling so cut off from friends even though the conversation window is open and no one is stopping him from making himself an equal member of one. He stares blankly at everything or nothing in particular, half registering the concerned looks his tablemates shoot his way, before one Hwang Hyunjin appears in his field of vision. The boy slides into the seat next to Seungmin, ruffling his hair and laughing when Seungmin makes a noise of annoyance.

“Hey, Seungminnie!” Hyunjin exclaims, excited tone of voice more than enough to cancel out Seungmin’s apathy. “How are things?”

“Fine? You just saw me yesterday,” Seungmin reminds him, rolling his eyes, mood boosted a bit already.

Hyunjin just beams, offering nothing but a “Twenty-four hours is a long time to go without my daily dose of walking sass,” and ignoring Seungmin’s indignant shout of protest before he turns and his eyes get even brighter, if that’s possible. “Jeonginnie!”

Just like that, Seungmin’s back to square one. Like before, his issue is that everyone has someone else. Felix and Changbin, Chan and Woojin, Jisung and Minho.

Hyunjin and Jeongin.

Best friends, childhood friends, friends that put all of Seungmin’s relationships to shame. Hyunjin’s known Jeongin since the youngest was born, and they’ve been virtually inseparable since Jeongin first started school the year after Hyunjin. It’s a friendship straight out of a storybook read to a child, initiated when both were too young to remember and first starting to strengthen when seven-year-old Hyunjin messily taped up Jeongin’s snapped teal crayon. Seungmin can only dream of such a sweet origin story.

Listening to Hyunjin's voice, Seungmin can hear the pure affection as he asks Jeongin about his day without a hint of teasing. He looks away, opting instead to point his eyes downward, then realizes his school-bought lunch is now in his field of vision and quickly moves his eyes back up. No one wants to look at that.

Instead, he hones in on Jisung and Minho’s conversation, a heated debate over the best High School Musical installment, of all things, and throws in his own two cents (“Both of you shut up, even though it has the worst duet, High School Musical 2 is _clearly_ the superior movie,”). Eventually, Minho proposes that they bring their debate to a joint sleepover that night, since Saturday is only a few hours away. Seungmin quickly agrees, and the three turn and invite the rest of the table along.

Given the sheer size of their group, it’s a given that they’ll rarely manage to have perfect attendance to any of their meetups, but they end up with a decent turnout. Bar Chan’s scheduled Skype call with an online friend, Jeongin’s group project, and Felix’s overnight campout at his dance studio, no one has a reason not to attend. Two-thirds is a passing grade in their district, so Seungmin is happy.

-

Seungmin announces his presence with a bag of chips thrown at each of his friends’ heads (he got each of their favorite brands because he’s just that nice). Four boys offer various shouts of protest, but, when Seungmin chucks a bag at Minho, the boy snatches it out of thin air with one hand. He doesn’t look up or otherwise visibly react until a moment after he catches the chips.

Minho makes eye contact. His eyes are steely and confident. Seungmin is so intimidated that he simply sits down and makes a note to throw no more bags of anything at the older boy.

Sat comfortably on the couch, Seungmin surveys the scene before him. Minho, who has thankfully stopped looking at Seungmin, is laying on his stomach a short distance from the television, Jisung in a similar position beside him. Changbin is trying to no avail to set up a blanket fort. Woojin is looking at him with pity, seeming to not have the heart to tell him that a fort can’t be made with one sheet and the arm of a couch. Hyunjin is-

Hyunjin is suspiciously absent.

Really, it shouldn’t be suspicious. Seungmin’s just arrived, and it’s highly likely that Hyunjin is simply in the bathroom or kitchen or just off somewhere doing Hyunjin things. Something feels off, though. Like if he turns around right now-

Seungmin whips his head around, coming face-to-face with Hyunjin’s startled eyes. The other boy jumps back from behind the couch with a yelp, visibly startled by Seungmin’s movement. Seungmin can’t help but laugh at the turn of events, doubling over with tears threatening to make an appearance in his eyes. He stands and stumbles around the couch, moving closer to Hyunjin to laugh at his terror like a good friend should.

“Told you you wouldn’t make it,” Woojin calls. “Seungminnie’s got a sixth sense especially for you.” Seungmin’s too busy laughing his head off to protest. After a moment that’s spent catching his breath, Hyunjin joins in.

“I didn’t, expect you, to turn around,” Hyunjin wheezes between giggles.

“No kidding,” Seungmin responds, clutching his sides. The two collect themselves, make eye contact for a few seconds while breathing heavily, and launch back into their respective laughing fits.

Changbin scoffs after another thirty seconds of this. “It wasn’t that funny,” he protests, still looking at his attempted fort with determination, but it was. Seungmin can’t explain why, but it absolutely was that funny and if he doesn’t stop laughing he may have to call an ambulance.

Once he and Hyunjin have calmed down, they plop down next to Woojin on the couch. Changbin, having given up on his fort at long last, collapses next to them in defeat. Hyunjin puts a comforting hand on his back to console him. Woojin ruffles his hair until the boy shakes him off.

Seungmin turns to the TV, aggressively fist-pumping when he sees High School Musical 2 playing on mute. His friends have finally found some taste. 

The six sit like this for a while, watching the the now-unmuted movie with the occasional interjection and quote-along scene until Seungmin decides no viewing of such a masterpiece is complete without a bowl of popcorn. He jumps up to get some, and Hyunjin follows.

Firing up the popcorn maker, which Minho had bought specifically for Jisung after realizing the boy ate more popcorn than normal food, Seungmin turns and faces Hyunjin, leaning against the marble countertop. Hyunjin is smiling, but it seems the slightest bit forced.

“Is something up with you?” Hyunjin says, voice piercing through Seungmin’s ears. He’s easily overheard over the loud popping of the machine next to them. “You’ve been different lately. Closed off.”

Seungmin looks at him with all the adoration of a child to their idol, perplexed and overjoyed that somehow, despite having so many other friends to devote attention to, Hyunjin _noticed_. And he _asked_. Now isn’t the time for heart eyes, though, so he reels himself back in.

Making eye contact with Hyunjin, who looks sincere and genuine and concerned and so, so beautiful, Seungmin decided he can confide in him just this once.

“Nothing too much,” he responds, opting to at least keep some of his confidence by staying casual. “I’ve just… felt a little off, lately.”

Hyunjin frowns and Seungmin looks down. He immediately regrets upsetting him, even though he knows it’s really not a problem. “Off?”

“Yeah. Like, nothing’s _wrong_ , I guess, but I feel lonely a lot?” As soon as the words leave his mouth, Seungmin feels his walls crash down and floodgates open. “All of you have someone. Someone who you’re closest with, your favorite, even though you’re all too nice to admit it. Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean. Even beyond that, I know I’m the outlier.”

When he looks back up, Hyunjin is shaking his head slowly, clearly confused. Seungmin cuts him off before he can say anything. He feels his eyes beginning to well with tears. 

“You guys all,” he takes a shaky breath, “you all love each other so much. You love me, too- _I_ love you guys, you know that- but I somehow ended up the odd one out. And normally, that’s fine! Normally, I don’t mind that you’re all better friends with each other than with me! I’m just happy to be included.” He hiccups, and his words come out slurred. He’s an ugly crier, and his face will be splotchy for ages after this, but he can’t stop. “Sometimes it’s just, sometimes it’s just too much, okay? I’m in the group, and I’m included, and you guys see me as a friend, but you don’t always show it! I don’t think it’s your fault, but with nine of us someone’s bound to be it.

“We’re friends, and I know that,” he finishes, looking somewhere past Hyunjin, “but it’s nice to remember sometimes.”

He hears a quiet exhale and a soft _”Seungminnie”_ before strong arms are wrapped around him, his head tucked under Hyunjin’s jaw. He twists his hands in Hyunjin’s shirt, tension gradually leaving his body as he lets the tears flow. A soft hand rubs comforting circles into his back, just between his shoulder blades.

The popcorn maker beeps. Neither boy makes a move towards it.

Instead, Seungmin stays, wrapped safely in Hyunjin’s warmth. He inhales, and the scent calms him better than anything else could. He feels his breath gradually return to normal.

Hyunjin pulls back just a bit, keeping one arm anchored securely just above Seungmin’s waist. His hand comes up to Seungmin’s face and wipes away the last tear remaining. Seungmin feels as if it’s much more significant than one would think.

“I love you so, so much, Seungminnie,” Hyunjin whispers, and it’s the first sunshine after a long rain. “More than you could ever know.” Seungmin just smiles, heart jackhammering in his chest. He thinks it might be audible.

Before either boy can say anything else, Jisung comes barreling into the room. They instinctually jump away from each other. Seungmin realizes belatedly that Hyunjin’s hand never left his cheek. He misses the warmth.

“I heard the popcorn maker go off ages ago!” Jisung explains, practically bouncing off the walls. His eyes land on Seungmin, and he flashes him a smile. He doesn’t comment on his (doubtless obvious) just-cried face, and for that, Seungmin is grateful. “Why do you keep the love of my life from me?”

“My apologies,” Hyunjin laughs, easy as breathing, as if he hadn’t been consoling a crying Seungmin just moments before. “You know I’d die before I intentionally blocked true love.” 

There’s a beat of silence before Jisung snorts. “Then why are you standing in the way?” Hyunjin starts, flushes, and slides next to Seungmin so Jisung can fill his bowl and have his reunion.

A few moments later, Jisung cradles his disconcertingly large popcorn bowl to his chest. “Ah, my love,” he laments. “So beautiful, yet so fleeting.” Seungmin throws a stray kernel at him and he grumbles his way out of the room.

Hyunjin begins to leave as well, the remaining popcorn in the large bowl in his hands, but stops to throw Hyunjin a meaningful look. _Talk to me if you need anything._ Seungmin doesn’t know if he’ll do so, but the offer is incredibly comforting.

After a few moments of waiting for his splotchy face to calm itself, he returns to his friends. Luckily, it’s the middle of allergy season, so he can blame the slight puffiness around his eyes on the tree in front of Minho’s house. He’s even offered some allergy medicine. 

Changbin and Seungmin have a strange, silent battle in which they try to make the other laugh with just facial expressions. Seungmin almost loses to Changbin’s exaggeratedly cute finger-pressed-to-puffed-cheek technique, but ultimately wins with his tried-and-true quadruple chin.

The popcorn bowl makes its rounds, passed to Minho, then Changbin and Woojin (it skips Jisung, as he’s already got his own bowl of the treat), and finally makes its way to Seungmin and Hyunjin. Picking up two pieces of popcorn, Hyunjin pops one into his mouth, and, to Seungmin’s horror, lobs one at the back of Minho’s head.

Minho’s hand moves like a blur, and the kernel is caught between his thumb and pinky finger (!) with incredible poise. Seungmin thinks, if he got out a ruler, the food would be perfectly centered atop his thumb.

Minho turns, still resting on one elbow, and eats the kernel, offering Hyunjin a smile as he chews. It seems kind and innocent enough, but his eyes are dead cold. Hyunjin audibly gulps. Eye contact is maintained for a solid ten seconds- even Changbin notices, and he could watch television through a hurricane- before Minho finishes chewing and turns around with a pleased hum. Seungmin rubs Hyunjin’s back comfortingly, the other boy having gone stock-still in the confrontation.

Minho is the kind of terrifying that comes with years of dealing with rowdy classmates and Han Jisung. Seungmin loves him, but prefers to do so from a safe distance.

The six return their attention to the movie, Woojin letting out a distressed squeal when he realizes they’ve missed his favorite part. Seungmin is tackled in a race for the remote and, suffocating under five fully-grown boys, he couldn’t be happier.

-

As Seungmin leaves for home the following morning, the first to go, his five friends send him off with energetic goodbyes. When he turns around, halfway out the door, they’ve already launched into another conversation. This is normal, but, for some reason, he can’t help but remember his breakdown the night before. He resolves to never bring his walls down like he did again.

-

Seungmin opens his locker on a sleepy Monday and watches with fascination as a small, folded note flutters to the floor. He picks it up with curiosity. It’s pastel yellow and about the size of his hand when folded. Looking both ways to ensure no other students are early enough to school to read the note over his shoulder, he unfolds the paper and scans its contents. It’s typed.

_Seungminnie,_

_I can’t tell you who I am because I need you to understand that all of my views are not just my own, and I think you’d be upset with me for going so far out of my way for this, even though it’s not far at all. You always have been selfless to a fault._

_I’m very bad with words, and I’m sorry for that, but I wanted you to know that I love you tons. You’re always there for me, and I’m always there for you, though I don’t think you really realize that. I want you to. I want you to so bad. That’s why I’m writing this._

_You have friends. I’m sure you know that. What I think you don’t realize is you’re just as much our friends as we are yours. We care about you just as much, if not more- yes, that’s possible- than you do._

_This is a bit of a shot in the dark, but I think you see yourself as the odd one out. That’s completely ridiculous. Everything around you would fall apart if you were gone. We need you. I need you, even more than you need us. Need me._

_I hope someday you see that._

_Love,_

_Someone_

_p.s. Smile a little! You have the best smile out of all of us._

Seungmin’s not sure what to think about it.

-

He takes the note to lunch and is immediately bombarded with questions from Jisung and Jeongin, the only two at the table.

“It’s just a note I got in my locker- no, Jeongin,” Seungmin bats away the younger’s outstretched arms, “you can’t see it.” He looks over, then turns away with a distressed cry. “Please don’t use the puppy face. I don’t want you to see.”

Seungmin is perfectly content with staring down at the folded note and not speaking for the rest of the lunch period, but his attention is snatched by a lilted “Ooh~” from across the table. Jisung is giving him a knowing smile.

“Has our little Seungmin earned his very first confession?” Jisung asks in his strange, singsong voice. Seungmin wants to complain that he’s only eight days younger, but he knows it’s futile, and that’s not what he should be focused on.

“Young love is so precious,” the older continues. “Why, I remember my first love. It was a sweet popcorn kernel, kettle corn, I believe. I must say, I’ve had a lot of popcorn in my life, but this particular piece was just _phenomenal-_ ”

“Stop, hyung,” he whines. “It’s not a confession. Leave me alone.” The smirk doesn’t leave Jisung’s face, but he stops prodding. There’s no time to continue teasing Seungmin, anyway, because Chan crashes into the seat next to Jisung with alarming force.

Seungmin watches as Jisung jumps what looks to be a foot out of his chair, and sees Chan’s breathless smile as he apologizes for tripping into his seat. He returns the bright smile from the newcomer and sticks his tongue out in response to Jisung’s pout.

The lemon-yellow paper crinkles in his hands. He remembers what’s written inside, and is suddenly struck by the genuine affection in Chan’s eyes that are still trained on him, by the playfulness of Jisung’s pout. Emotions that are reserved just for him, emotions that he somehow never cared to notice. His smile widens.

The grin remains for the next week, fueled by his single moment of clarity (as well as by Hyunjin, who seems to be making a conscious effort to sit right next to Seungmin since their heart-to-heart, though Seungmin will never admit the effect his presence has on him).

 

-

The loneliness takes him by surprise when it hits him sometime between sunset and sunrise. It’s a Wednesday so late that it’s early. Seungmin’s just setting his book down for the umpteenth time when all the conversations he’s witnessed- but not joined in on- in the past month come crashing down on him.

He’s sitting on a bench in a nearby park in the clearest memory, from two days before, and Changbin and Jeongin are engaged in an enthusiastic conversation.  
“-no, hyung,” Jeongin is complaining, “he’s not the better superhero just because they make better socks of him, please-”

“Better character equals better marketing, child!” Changbin practically screams back. “You can’t fight the facts.”

“You’re right, I can’t, because those aren’t facts,” Jeongin is saying, and now Seungmin is crying over _socks_.

It takes him a good hour to calm down, and this realization alone is enough to send him into another wave of hysterics. He can’t help but feel alone, even though the letter did worlds to bring him up. He feels ridiculous for his outburst, and it only makes him feel worse.

At some point, he passes out, waking up with his alarm and finding scarily dark circles under his eyes. His concealer bottle is empty, so all he can really do is get dressed and drag his feet all the way to school.

His exhaustion, both physical and emotional, must show, because he receives another letter.

And another.

And another.

-

_Seungminnie,_

_Once I was having a terrible birthday (like, wish-I-wasn’t-born level terrible). We weren’t even friends yet, but we accidentally made eye contact and you gave me this genuine smile, even though you know nothing about me. You weren’t just being polite, you were genuinely happy to see me. Maybe just because we were classmates? I’ve never known for sure, but that smile gave me the boost I needed to survive the day. You mean more to others than you know._

_Love,_

_Someone._

-

_Seungminnie,_

_You re-dyed your hair today. It looks amazing red, and it’s vibrant, but not too eye-catching. I think you found the perfect balance. I know you were happy after some of us mentioned it, but I hope you also noticed when some of us just played with your new hair instead of just mentioning it. It’s our way of appreciating you without the eight of us sounding like one big broken record._

_Love,_

_Someone._

-

_Seungminnie,_

_You were especially bright today. Whenever I looked over at you, you were looking somewhere else, so we never made enough eye contact for me to convey that. I hope you understood anyway. I notice._

_Love,_

_Someone._

-

_Seungminnie,_

_Maybe, just maybe, you are being appreciated, but you don’t see it because it’s not the type of appreciation you have an eye out for._

_Love,_

_Someone._

-

The last one sticks with him. It’s the shortest, has the least detail, but seems to flick a switch in his brain. 

He’s always thought of love, of affection, as something expressed primarily through words. Cheers from crowds and songs sung in someone’s honor. Verbal affection is what he sees, what he hears, what he seeks, what he craves. It’s always been that way.

He thinks of that moment, weeks before, when he saw the love in Chan’s and Jisung’s eyes. It had been like waking up from a sleep you hadn’t realized you were in, like finding that you dreams have always been reality, but you had only ever searched with your eyes closed.

Seungmin hadn’t seen it again after that day. He now realizes that it was there, but he was never looking for it; rather, he wasn’t noticing it because he was actively looking for something else. He remembers all the times his friends have done things for him, and all the times he’s forgotten them simply because they were silent in nature.

He remembers Felix, who walks with him to class even when he ends up late himself. He remembers Changbin, who could write a book on all of Seungmin’s go-to funny faces and the proper counterattacks. He remembers Chan, who has never known Seungmin was home sick without coming over with his favorite movies, fixings for a pillow fort, and a willing Woojin. He remembers Hyunjin, who spoke nearly no words to him when he cried, but offered silent support that was more meaningful than any words of soothing.

He remembers that the letters started just days after his breakdown. He remembers that no one but Hyunjin was present when he confessed his loneliness.

He freezes.

He thinks he understands why the letters started, and who they’re from.

He grants himself a quick grin before dashing off to his next class.

-

On the day that Seungmin has decided he will finally confess to Hyunjin and confront him about the letters he’s written, just after school lets out for the day, one last letter falls out of his locker. He catches it with an ease that comes only with experience.

The first thing he notices is that it’s handwritten. The second thing he notices is that the normally yellow paper (recently, it had even been scented) has been swapped in favor of notebook paper, neatly ripped down the perforated edge. It seems like it was written in a hurry.

_Seungminnie,_

_I’ve been debating whether or not I should do this, so I’m writing it quickly before I lose my nerve. Since my last letter, it seems like you finally see us, and see just how much we love you. That makes me really, really happy, Seungminnie. Words can’t describe how long I’ve waited to see that real smile stick._

_Yesterday, I made a terrible joke and you gave me a pity-laugh. It was embarrassing, but it made everyone else laugh and took the focus off of me, and I’m so grateful for that. We’ve gotta look out for each other, right? You looked up at me afterwards, and we just looked at each other for a moment, and nothing needed to be said, and that’s how I knew that you were gonna be okay._

_It’s alright to have moments of insecurity, Seungminnie. It’s okay to have that doubt sometimes. It’s even a good thing, because you should never practice blind faith. But you can hold your own now, and I can’t help but feel proud._

_I love you more than anything. I have since that first smile._

_Love,_

_Someone (but you’ve copied my homework enough times to know who by now, haven’t you?)._

Seungmin has. 

Quickly stuffing every textbook he needs into his backpack, he puts the bag on and sprints outside, down a sidewalk he’s walked many times before, with many friends. Many friends, friends who change depending on the day and circumstances, but always one constant. 

He knows the path by heart, and he finds him after the third left turn. 

“Hey!” Seungmin calls, only a few paces away, and he turns around. They lock eyes. Nothing needs to be said. 

Jisung rushes into his arms. 

“I heard you at the sleepover that night,” he mumbles into Seungmin’s shoulder, somewhat muffled by the backpack strap that pushes into the right half of his lips. “I heard you talking to Hyunjin, and I know that was private, and I’m so, so sorry, but I wanted to help and I didn’t know how. I panicked. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry.” 

“I love you so much,” Seungmin sobs. 

“I love you too, Seungminnie.” 

After a few minutes of tight hugs and sniffles, they pull back a bit. Neither lets go. 

“I thought it was Hyunjin,” Seungmin laughs wetly. 

Jisung offers him a small smile. “I know. Is it bad that I hoped you would?” 

Seungmin doesn’t answer, but looks Jisung in the eye once more. “That day, your birthday, I guess, when I smiled at you,” he begins, Jisung now listening attentively, “it was because I had never seen you so loudly unhappy before. You always put on a smile, even when it was clearly faked, just so the rest of us would smile, too. I know it was years ago, but it’s still the only time I’ve ever seen you not even trying. I was scared.” He pulls Jisung in close again. 

“We had been classmates for years, but I had only ever spoken to you when you asked for a pencil after yours broke.” 

“You always had a spare handy for others, and you’d give yours away if you didn’t,” Jisung interrupts. “You’ve always been selfless like that.” Seungmin shushes him, but not unkindly. 

“I remember thinking about how I could make you smile, really smile, without knowing anything about you,” he continued. “Then I thought that if not seeing your smile just once made me so upset, maybe seeing mine just once would remind you how nice it was to be happy, and do just as much as yours did for me. So,” he finishes, a note of sweetness in his voice, “I did. And it worked.” 

Jisung starts to cry again, which makes Seungmin start to cry again, and they hold each other physically for what feels like the first time, even though they now realize they’ve done it emotionally forever. “You’ll never know how much that smile did for me,” is all Jisung says. 

And Seungmin smiles, thinks of the smell of citrus and a splash of yellow on a pale brown tile floor, and says, “I think I have an idea.” 

\- 

Seungmin’s wrenched out of his staring contest with Felix by a hand waving frantically over his field of vision. Ignoring Felix’s whine of protest, he glances up, meeting Jeongin’s gummy smile. 

“Hi, hyung,” the youngest beams. Seungmin just sighs and hands over one of his home-brought cookies, which Jeongin happily takes before skipping away. He can’t hold his poker face for long, though, and it seems neither can Jeongin, as he can hear his laughter over that from himself a few seconds later. 

A tap on the shoulder leads to him coming face-to-face with Hyunjin, who’s slid into the seat next to him. He offers a smile, which Seungmin readily returns. He pointedly ignores Jisung’s furiously wiggling eyebrows across the table, but doesn’t stop himself from kicking the slightly older boy. The half-suppressed yelp is beyond rewarding. 

As Chan laments being the oldest in a friend group of children, then turns beet-red upon Woojin’s exasperated cough, Hyunjin quietly takes Seungmin’s hand under the table. His eyes ask a silent question, wondering if what he’s doing is okay, if it oversteps the boundary they’ve each been too careful to cross. The implication is clear, but it also asks, somewhere underneath, if Seungmin is okay. 

Seungmin grins his signature grin, and it’s as genuine as it gets. _Never better._

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading and (hopefully, if you made it this far) enjoying! let me know your thoughts~
> 
> I now have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/tacetheadphones) and a [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/tacetheadphones)! can't guarantee that I'll use the twitter much on my own but I'll check both and respond frequently, so please please drop me a line on either (be my friend! I love friends I'll definitely want to be friends with you) and tag me in things on twitter! thank you again for reading, and a special thanks to returning readers!


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